Trying to Understand the Various Me's

As my ADHD brain ricocheted around the 20-some open tabs on my laptop the other day, I paused on my blog page's statistics. I noticed that on that day, a couple people had read an entry that I posted on 24 October 2020 regarding the death of Jerry Jeff Walker . A lot of my heroes and influences have died, but I took that one hard. I reread that post and began to write this one. I have changed the title of it several times. I am still not sure exactly what it's about, but I am going to go ahead and post it. I do hope that it has a positive vibe. It is meant to.

Me in Austin in 1975

I was an Austin, Texas, 'dirt road back streets' hard living (alcoholic) kind of songwriter/singer back in 1975-76. It was a time when living the songs was as important (actually, more important) than singing them well. Although I was only in Austin for about a year, Texas remains a huge and important part of my past. That was the real ‘me’. But then again, so was the artist doing art shows, and the world record setting sports fisherman, and then the touring comedian-entertainer, and then the long distance runner and gym-rat were all real me's.

And now indeed, the birder/author that most of you reading this are familiar with is very much the real me. I have been a few different real me’s over the years. I got pretty good at some of them. I do tend to get ‘into’ things. As my dear FB friend, Harry said (and I will continue to quote repeatedly), “Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.” Me too my friend.

In 1978 I had come back from Austin and formed a band. I meant to go back to Austin, but I stayed pretty drunk for the next twelve years or so (until rehab on 16 April 1990).

1972 maybe? At an art show (with a friend. We're in front of her work not mine) I had real long hair at several points in my life

That fish, a Tautog, was the 16 lb line-class World Record in 1983 

Headlining the Comic Strip in El Paso, Texas late 1990's 

Headlining Zane's in Chicago later 1990s too (the top 8x10 was my head-shot).

I spent this past week in a caravan park in the Otways with dear friends who live in our little neighbourhood here in Lara. They sort of know this most current me. But mostly they don’t know much about the past me's. I truly do like and enjoy these people. I even love a few of them. But in truth, they don't know me all that well (yet). And to be completely honest, I don't reckon I really know me that well either. Man, it has been a long, weird road.

White-faced Heron in the caravan park last week

Koala in the caravan park grounds. We heard that she had a joey, although we never saw it.

I did a few miles down this lovely walk while I was there. I will keep at my walking and hiking. "Use it or lose it" is more than a saying. Believe it.

As I approach my 70th this coming August I will often be at my desk writing. Yes, John Beaufoy Publishing of Oxford England is going to publish my third book about Australian birding adventures and I will be doing a lot more writing. I will also be getting out and living experiences to write about. It will most probably be my last book. Although I’ve thought a bit about writing my memoirs in one form or another and recording some about those past me’s. I was thinking that perhaps my littlest granddaughter, Astrid, could read it one day and know her granddaddy better. I can’t even guess about the future at this point. Who knows, I might write it. As I so often say, "We will see."

'Author me' signing books in Perth, Western Australia

Writing does help me to explore, and at least somewhat, move toward understanding who the hell it is that I am. I go back and reread my own words. Being understood is very important to me. Or I should say, "Not being misunderstood" is very important to me. I am genuinely the person you read in the words that I write, but as I said, that person continues in this process of learning who he is. I said to a friend last week that I was open about myself and they said that I was an open book. I said that, yes I was an open book sitting out on the coffee table. Feel free to leave it open. Dog-ear the pages if you like. Lend it to a friend. Take it outdoors and read it under a tree, take it to the beach. Anywhere. I am just happy to be read, to be included. Now that is the real me.

So whoever I am, I remain in process. As it is often said, life is a path, not a destination. And as I continue to learn, it is all about the vibe.

Sending love as I do ❤️